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Clearing Room For The Blazers Out West
Written by BustaBucket   
Sunday, 28 December 2008 19:30

As the playoff picture begins to take shape it becomes clear that the Western Conference is one big game of musical chairs. There are nine viable playoff teams; unfortunately there are only eight playoff spots. For the Blazers to get a spot, one of last year's playoff teams needs to fall off. Someone's going to be caught standing when the music stops. The following are possible scenarios that could derail each team on their quest for playoff glory, helping the Blazers get back to the postseason for the first time since 2003.

 

Los Angeles Lakers

Cruising along comfortably as the cream of the Western Conference crop, the Lakers are reduced to a team of role players when Kobe Bryant is taken out "Tonya Harding" style during a game by Colorado District Attorney Mark Hurlburt on behalf of a distraught Katelyn Faber.

 

kobe

 

New Orleans Hornets

Kevin Pritchard hops in to a Paul Allen sponsored Time Machine and heads back to the 2004 NBA draft. Portland drafts Chris Paul instead of trading down to get Martell Webster, ensuring several years in the Draft Lottery for the Hornets while simultaneously pulling off the first retroactive "Pritchslap".

cp3

 

San Antonio Spurs

Tony Parker returns from a brutal road trip, excited to see his beautiful wife Eva Longoria. His excitement turns to horror when he finds some of Manu Ginobli's thinning hair in their bed, proof of an illicit affair with the league's best flopper. A depressed Tony tells Tim Duncan whose eyes explode out of his head as if he's just been called for a foul. The team's chemistry flushes away.

eva-and-manu

 

Utah Jazz

Andrei Kirilenko decides to take his wife up on her generous offer of a night with another woman. Unfortunately his "road trip" results in an unwanted souvenir… The souvenir makes its way around the locker room and forces several players to miss games and their shot at the playoffs.

 

ak47

 

Houston Rockets

Ron Artest and Rafer "Skip To My Lou" Alston convince Yao Ming to form a rap trio. Their first album goes triple platinum based on sales in China alone and they are forced to quit the team to go touring through Asia.

yaorapgroup

 

Phoenix Suns

Amare Stoudamire looks in the mirror and mistakes the reflection as someone that is disrespecting him. After a heated exchange Amare lunges at the mirror, a fight ensues and he misses the rest of the season due to cuts and lacerations all over his body.

amare

Dallas Mavericks
Jason Kidd feels like he's not quite living up to expectations and has an identity crisis. He changes his number to 13, grows his hair long and insists that everyone call him "Steve". He is shipped to the insane asylum, taking the Mavs playoff hopes with him.

kidd

 

Denver Nuggets

During a home game a disheveled man stumbles onto the court and reveals that he is the REAL Chauncey Billups that played for Boston, Toronto, Denver and Minnesota. He rips the mask off of the fake Billups to reveal an alien. The real Billups (who had been stranded on a deserted isle) joins the team and flushes their playoff hopes down the toilet.
chaunceybeard

Comments

avatar DogPissJones
0
 
 
LOL! Brilliant!!!!
Monday 29 December 2008, 02:36
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avatar O Storm!
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Amazing.
Monday 29 December 2008, 02:55
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avatar Johnny Freemont
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One of those scenarios is bound to happen! I just can't decide which one.
Monday 29 December 2008, 03:54
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avatar Scotty B!
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Obviously it's Yao, Skip, and Ron-Ron forming a rap trio. Duh.
Monday 29 December 2008, 05:51
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avatar kono
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I feel like it will be Utah. Boozer is already looking forward to opting out of his contract, and the injury doesn't seem to be improving anytime soon. I do like the San Antonio scenario, though!
Monday 29 December 2008, 16:51
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avatar Billy Hoyle
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Wilson!!!
Monday 29 December 2008, 08:03
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